Unspoken Personal Relief Rules On The Course?

It’s happened to us all at one point or another.  An early tee time and all you’ve had is a cup of coffee, or maybe there is an overly ambitious Libation Chauffeur that greets you at every tee box.  Now add in the fountain on hole #2, or the sprinklers going off on the practice green (feeling a sudden urge?).  No matter the circumstance, the need for personal relief has hit us all on the golf course.   As a beginner or even a seasoned vet, it isn’t always clear what the Personal Relief Rules On The Course are.

I remember playing a round of golf with my new boss.  He was a spry 65, proper, disciplined and played the game by the book.  His one vice was having a few cocktails on the course, and since he was a gracious host, all drinks were on him.  Shortly after the first couple drinks, I had to go.  There was a group pushing us from behind and my boss could apparently hold in his liquor like a camel.  At the next tee box I shanked my shot in the woods and took advantage of the oak trees and hunkered in.

The boss yelled at me to just drop and give up looking.  I panicked, stopped mid-stream, and ran back out on the fairway.   As I reached in my bag for a club, I felt something a bit damp.  I looked down and apparently I had not pinched it off as the front of my shorts were soaked.  No judging, it happens alright.  There was no way he didn’t see it but he never said a word.  Though, before getting back in his car to head out he had put a towel down on the front seat.  He never asked me to play golf with him again…

After that experience, I vowed that I would never push the limits of my bladder on the course again.  If opportunity presents itself, I will drop trow and press on.

There are however unspoken personal relief rules on the course, and I have laid out a couple of the obvious ones for you below (Please print and attach to golf bag for future reference.):

Unspoken Personal Relief Rules On The Course:

  1. No breaking the seal on the tee box – I only want to see your driver up there, NOT your one wood.
  2. No tapping a kidney on the green – People put their hands on the green, muff said.
  3. No fighting fires in a backyard or in view of homes – Gives a whole new meaning to Club Member.
  4. No piddle near the club house – That’s just lazy.

The above rules are some of the basics, and always evolving.  Let us know some other unspoken personal relief rules on the course to help keep our fellow seal breakers from causing an undue delay.  Or worse yet, having your picture hung behind the register.

Stay classy Golf Fore It fans.

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